Tom Riddle's Very Secret Diary

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Note: thanks to Lost Infidel and Parvati for beta-reading.
Written by Tatiana Matveeva (Inity) Russian version of this story is available here.

Tom Riddle's Very Secret Diary

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This is a test. Do you see me?

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Hello dear Diary. My name is Tom Riddle, and I'm sixteen. I study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in Slytherin house. I'm really very kind and fluffy inside, but no one loves me. My favorite occupation is walking in the Zoo and asking snakes to scare other visitors. It's very good fun. Also I wish to become more acquainted with girls ...but it seems to me that everyone is ignoring me, and this hurts my young unstable soul very much. I'm so vulnerable, discontented and deserve some compassion. Tomorrow I'll write more.

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Dear Diary , It's me, Tom, again. Still no one loves me. If you only could know HOW unhappy and lonely I am. Today I tried to make a friend with some Ravenclaw girl, but she screamed and ran away in fear. I have no idea what scared her so much. Maybe my frightening green eyes, maybe my shady hair, and inspired, brave look, or maybe Nagini, who lied on my shoulders around my neck, so only last three inches of her tail were resting on the floor. I asked Nagini to smile at the girl pleasantly (Yes, I'm able to talk with snakes. No, I already visited a psychiatrist. I really disliked that visit.)

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A whole delegation of first-years' parents was standing at the castle entrance. They demand from Headmaster Dippet not to let students have snakes as pets. I donít see a problem with snakes.

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Iím still sad and lonely. Today I went to peep at girls in the bathroom. At least itís some way to entertain myself.

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I passed some exams. All the professors agreed that I know everything those students two grades ahead know. Dombledore said it was about three grades ahead. It can't be, because I'm it 5th grade of 7. Maybe I just misunderstood something.

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Studied dark magic all day long to show this Gryffindor boy who stepped on my foot and on Nagini's tail, what he deserves! When learned some spells, went to have some serious talk with him, but found that Nagini already discussed with him that matter... At least I won't need to care about her food for a week... Well, spells I learned can be useful in the future anyway. During a dinner, I tried one of them on the couple of first years, which threw a pie at me. It was announced that due to some technical reasons tomorrow we'd have breakfast at the quidditch pitch.

Still no one loves me itís very uncomfortable. May be I'm a gay? I won't be happy with this.

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Was peeping at girls in the bathroom. This third-year weirdo, Hagrid, followed me everywhere. Albeit he's just a third-year, and two heads taller than me and twice wider. Besides that, he got sweaty hands and bad smell from his mouth. It's just not aesthetic. Having a relationship with him is just not for as aristocratic nature as I am. But how do I explain that to Hagrid? He's so boring. I presented to him my toothpaste.

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Hagrid hugged me gently in the corridor and invited me to his cupboard with him, to watch hedgehogs. I was almost choked. Really, how do I explain him that I'm allergic to hedgehogs, and moreover, they're prickly? An Iím NOT interested in watching how hedgehogs do THAT? This Hagrid has some perverse love for animals. I fed Nagini with the rats Hagrid presented to me. Oh my God, I'm tired of this hell.

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No, I'm not inspired by Hagrid's idea to hatch a dragon egg. No, I won't help him; I got enough of my own... stuff to do.

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Just wondering if I'm really not a gay. Why the hell is Potter glaring at me insanely? Why does he care, what I was doing in girls' bathroom? Why does it matter to them what is between Hagrid and I? I never promised anything to anyone. I'm not ought to give anyone reports!

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I didn't use bad language, Professor Dumbledore. I even don't know how to say such words. You can check what I said in any parseltongue pocket dictionary.

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I'm an Heir of Slytherin! Cool!

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I will never build MY OWN secret hiding places in public restrooms. I had to take bath for two hours.

Minus: dropped a Diary into bath. Now, the capital H seems to be disappearing on every page.

Plus: now I smell like strawberry foam. I took a bottle for myself, just for fun.

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Yeah, Iíve always loved snakes, but not so freaking HUGE snakes. Nagini, are you going to be that big when you grow up? Please don't.

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I hate muggles. Oh, how much I hate them. I understand Slytherin maybe a little too much, oh well. My father was a muggle. He had never sent me a single Christmas postcard. When I grow up a little, I'll remind him, that it was only his fault - which I was lacking a happy childhood that nobody was buying me ice cream and that I was not allowed to watch NC-17 movies. Because of all that, I will develop very vulnerable and suffering personality and will make people unhappy. All these psycho traumas I received in the childhood will turn me into moody psychopath with maniacal ideas such as "take over the world". Take over the world. Sounds good. Should think about that...

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Seems that one girl isn't indifferent to me. AT LAST!!! She just confessed me her love and asked if she can copy my arithmancy homework. I agreed... In fact, she has ugly thick glasses, she's almost always in tears, she always moans and complains about everything, she got terrible ponytails and squeaky voice, but that's better than nothing! At least I'm not a gay. Invited her for a date in bathroom. Do I rule or what?

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You, crazy freaky basilisk!!!!!

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So, again, another new trauma to my unstable young personality. I'm gone to deep depression. Locked myself up in the Chamber of Secrets, booted basilisk out to creep anywhere in the school freely, I don't care where. It will find something to eat by itself! I never signed up for feeding it!!!
Took with me five boxes of Bertie Bott beans and something that I mixed up at potions class. I don't want to see anyone.

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Twenty-two beans with ear wax taste! THIS IS NOT JUST! I hate you, cruel world!

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Hagrid invited me to his place to watch the spiders. No, I really disliked this "Put a spider in your pants" game. What if I'd give headmaster a hint about it?

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Hagrid was expelled! Hurray! I'm a school hero. At last I was noticed and even received an award. The award was immediately taken from me to be put in school museum, though. But anyway, arenít I cool! I'm excited. Maybe I should make Hagrid be accepted back to school and do all this over again? HummÖ yeah then Iíll get an other award and more attention! Yea!

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Oh, the unforgettable moment of fame. It's worth it to save my present self for the descendants. Someday I'm going to be greatÖsomeday.

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Lucius managed to find out that I had a Diary when I was young and begged me to give him it to read. For some reason, I erased a half of records from there. He probably won't be interested in my first pollutions, and at what age I really stopped wetting my bed. Let him think that I always was this great and frightening. Something about my fragile, vulnerable soul can be left in Diary , let him be jealous. I re-read my Diary . Oh, child years, child years... How naive I was. How I used to think that being an evil overlord would be an easy job...

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I was disembodied. That was annoyingly unpleasant, I must say!!

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Plus: I have a backup copy of myself in my Diary .

Minus: I'm just a sixteen again. All old complexes of my young psyche are back. Potter, you'll pay for this!!!

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Iím so Bored.

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Played tic-tac-toe with myself. Failed in persuading Lucius to join me, why is he such an ass?

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Made some paper birds from Diary pages and played them in Lucius' cabinet. What, Iím really bored!?! Why won't Lucius write down some articles from Daily Prophet into my Diary ? I'm eager to know what's happening in the world.

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Lucius, I understand that Draco is just five, that he's admirable kid and that you are a parent who won't lose extra money. But maybe you'll bother to buy for your son some OTHER painting album?!

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No Lucius, my Diary can be used for some other purposes. Try to guess...

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I played sex-by-mail with Lucius. It seems that we finally understand one other...

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Ginny? What Ginny? Oh no.

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Hello Dear Ginny, My name is Tom Riddle, and I'm sixteen...






/ Inity, 12.02.2003