[ Life.c ]

Translated by: The_Trinity and Infi

[read in russian]

                                                          to: Vadim and Infi

They come at night, when I do not expect them.

Well,  not  exactly - I'm getting this feeling every time as I listen to my
fingers  punch the keyboard typing the lines of code throughout the night -
I feel like the door should open and someone should come in, right when I'm
least  expecting it. I wait for them to come and will them away at the same
time, not wanting anyone to break my solitude.


The  past few days was filled with strange things: it seemed like my dreams
were  interlaced  with  reality  so tightly that sometimes I wasn't able to
distinguish  them  at  all.  I  think  that something in the Universe still
remains  an  enigma,  a riddle I'm persistently trying to solve, and I feel
like  I'm  getting  really  close  to  that  solution  in  the  moments I'm
dissolving  the barrier between virtual and real, sitting all night long in
front of a computer...


They come in as I'm closing the code window opening the word processor, and
typing in an old saying, that suddently gets to my mind:

"Life would be much easier if I had the source code..."

"Are  you really sure?" - my guests inquire. How did they get here? Through
the closed door? Through the window?

"This  doesn't  matter"  -  says one of them. "The knowledge of our world's
source  code  is a rather unpleasant thing, you know? Although interesting,
in  some  sense, this knowledge is not for everyone. However, you're one of
the suitable kind..."

"Why should I trust you?"

"We wouldn't be here, if you didn't trust us and wait for us."

They're  right in some sense, I did wait for them subconsciously, In reward
to  my painful search of enlightement, to every day and every hour I burned
my  own  soul,  sacrificing  it  to  the shrine of virtuality, I did wait a
chance  to  get answers to my questions that, no matter how vaguely formed,
gave me no peace...

"Are you offering this to everyone?"

"Not to everyone. Only to those, who deserve it. Who can be the One."

"I  don't  think  I  deserve  it" - I look away, thinking to myself - "Am I
sane?  Maybe  I'll  wake  up tomorrow, realizing all this to be just an ill
dream?.."

"All of our life is just a dream" - one of them smiles. "We're offering you
to exchange this dream for the only reality."

"I don't know..."

"This is a shallow doubt. It will pass away."

"We offer this only to those who are able to understand" - the second guest
joins  the  talk.  "To those closest to understanding the edge between real
and  virtual.  Those  who  are  looking for that edge between the dream and
reality, to wake up..."

"Who are you?"

"We keep the order. The order in this world. That is the best for everyone,
best  suited  for humanity itself. The Order that placed in it's base. That
is  coded in the sources. That should not be widely known. We're protecting
the world from chaos and destruction."

"And what if... If I'll join you?"

"Many  things.  Something  you'll  have  to  step  aside...  it will become
unneeded.  You'll  get  some  new  possibilities instead, you'll wonder how
great  they  will  be.  This  is simply a cost for keeping the order... and
you'll need power for that."

He  stretches  out  his hand dipping it into the wall - and slowly draws it
back. I watch it with more interest than amazement.

"To do this... one should know many things?"

"You'll  get  this  knowledge.  And  all  the  means. We all will share our
knowledge.  It  will  become a common experience for all of us, growing and
changing...  and  perfecting  constantly.  All our skills and power will be
yours too.

"And I'll... lose my personality?" - I do not wish that!

"Oh, no, you'll remain yourself."

His voice is sliding back and forth from scream to whisper, and I am hardly
able to tell his thoughts from my own inner voice:

"You  had always felt your difference from all around, didn't you? What did
you  look  for,  sitting  for  hours  and hours, all those nights near your
computer? Did you look for the unified system of the universe, an answer to
all questions, the initial order? Did you find the structure and the common
laws  of  things  completely  different at first sight? Didn't you seen the
real happiness in that? You can get this all..."

"Is this hard to do?..."

"All  you need is to understand the world as an illusion, to free your mind
-  it's  not  very  hard" - the third guest smiles, the one standing behind
them near the door...

I'm  thinking.  Thoroughly  thinking it out. I did wait... maybe, all these
years...  but  I never expected the answer to my questions to come - not in
THIS way...

In some sense it's a transition to another form of being. Of course this is
not death. Here you'll never be afraid of waking up thinking whether it was
a dream or a reality...

"To  free  your mind. To become a thought." - the second one grins, looking
away  to my computer - "To become a program. To accept a tiny piece of code
into you... just like ours."

A  vague  fright  fills me, like I'm feeling a danger of finding some alien
will inside my mind...

"Alien?  No way." - are they reading my mind? - "This will be only your own
will..."

I  look  around,  and  see  the  world  becoming  unreal. It's unsteady and
illusory...  I stretch my hand and something that was only my dream becomes
true  -  my  fingers  dip into the screen. Its surface trembles like a thin
film.

"How did you do that?"

"We  haven't  done  anything yet." - my first guest smiles. "It's only your
own  possibilities,  those that were hidden before. But you can exploit and
strenghten them a thousand times more..."

"What will I need to do... if I accept it?..."

"You will know. Just when you understand you're ready..."



This  didn't  take  long.  Like a short blinding flash; my room, my guests,
myself  - everything is blurred, just like a picture washed with rainfall -
and those rain streams become green rows of letters and digits... Something
is  changed,  the  world  is assembled again; I examine myself... is my new
look of any importance? No, another change is far more significant - my new
knowledge  is filling me, surging through my mind. Tranquility. Confidence.
Coldness...  The world around will never be alive again for those who touch
its source code.

I'm  feeling something new inside of me, inside my mind - some dot, that is
sleeping  now,  but  in any moment - I'm waiting for it every time - it can
flare  with  thought...  an  order...  a  wish... and I will not be able to
disobey it.

I turn to computer, touching a key. The mailer highlights an e-mail arrived
this  morning...  or  yesterday?  The "time" itself is changed. There is no
meaning in "day" or "night"...

"We've got to you first." - my friend says slightly narrowing his eyes.



Day  after  day  -  the  cold eternity without nights and days. No food, no
sleep,  no  fatigue,  even  no  breath.  The  call from inside - and you're
already  rushing  ahead,  evading  bullets,  dying and being born again and
again,  every  time  becoming  aware of yourself, restoring from backups...
Again  and  again  - what for? The phantasmal system, majestic Order... The
protection...  of  thousands  souls  dreaming.  We need them. And they need
us...

The  nightshade  spreads  its  wings  on  the  City.  I'm  jumping from the
rooftop...  I  had  dreamed  to learn to fly one day. Incidentally, I treat
that calmly for a long time now...

Alien  thoughts  fill my mind. I hate all these speculations about viruses,
evolution,  dinosaurs,  synthetic  heaven...  what boring gibberish! Who is
choking the service channels with his meaningful meditations again?!

I have my own concept... I'll explain it more precisely some day. We're
Angels... Guardian Angels of the City night... Ehh, every one of us
is a bit of a romantic.

A flash... again...

I still don't know in these milliseconds of time where I'll turn out to be,
whose  eyes I'll see the world through... the world I dream to see as it is
in reality some days... the only real world...

Maybe it's a pity I'd never found out what was in the e-mail that arrived 
that morning. That letter from a man named Morpheus.

4:10 AM
25.03.2000



() Tatiana Matveeva
(Agent Inity)
http://inity.complife.net/ai
inity@complife.net


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